Tony De Vit

Post: #1 (ID: 804)

> >A man is waiting for his wife to give birth.
> >
> >The doctor comes in and informs the dad that his son was born without

> >a torso, arms or legs. The son is just a head!
> >
> >But the dad loves his son and raises him as well as he can, with love

> >and compassion
> >
> >
> >
> >After 21 years, the son is now old enough for his first drink.
> >
> >Dad takes him to the bar, tearfully tells the son he is proud of him
> >and orders up the biggest, strongest drink for his boy.
> >
> >With all the bar patrons looking on curiously and the bartender
> >Shaking
>
> >his head in disbelief, the boy takes his first sip of alcohol.
> >
> >Swoooop! A torso pops out!
> >
> >The bar is dead silent; then bursts into a whoop of joy.
> >
> >The father, shocked, begs his son to drink again.
> >
> >The patrons chant "Take another drink"!
> >
> >The bartender still shakes his head in dismay.
> >
> >Swoooop! Two arms pops out!
> >
> >The bar goes wild.
> >
> >The father, crying and wailing, begs his son to drink again.
> >
> >The patrons chant "Take another drink"!
> >
> >The bartender ignores the whole affair.
> >
> >By now the boy is getting tipsy, and with his new hands he reaches
> >down, grabs his drink and guzzles the last of it.
> >
> >Swoooop! Two legs pop out.
> > >> >
> > >> >The bar is in chaos.
> > >> >
> > >> >The father falls to
> > >>his knees and tearfully thanks God.
> > >> >
> > >> >
> > >> >The boy stands up on his new legs and stumbles to the
> > >> >left....then
>
> > >> >to the right.... right through the front door, into the street,
> > >> >where a truck runs over him and kills him instantly.
> > >> >
> > >> >The bar falls silent.
> > >> >
> > >> >The father moans in grief.
> > >> >
> > >> >The bartender sighs and says...
> > >> >
> > >> >
> > >> >
> > >> >
> > >> >(wait for it)
> > >> >
> > >> >
> > >> >
> > >> >(Are you ready?)
> > >> >
> > >> >
> > >> >
> > >> >
> > >> >
> > >> >(don't hate me)
> > >> >
> > >> >
> > >> >
> > >> >
> > >> >
> > >> >
> > >> >
> > >> >
> > >> >
> > >> >
> > >> >"He should have quit while he was a head!"

Post: #2 (ID: 811)

A bloke walks into a bar with a giraffe
Set them up,barman,two pints of Guinness and two whisky chasers
No prob,sez the barman,two pints of Guiness,and two whisky chasers coming up
The bloke and the giraffe finish the drinks and order some more
And some more
And some more after that
Somewhere around pint number 15 the giraffe has a whitener and passes out on the floor
The bloke thinks,I`ve had enough as well and makes for the door
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The barman sez,excuse me,but you can`t leave that lyin` there
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And the bloke says
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It`s not a lion,it`s a giraffe
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Ayythanngyouuu

Also,why does it take Helen Keller two hands to masturbate?
She needs one hand to moan

Post: #3 (ID: 812)

Post: #4 (ID: 813)

How many roadies does it take to change a light bulb?
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two
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one,two
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one,two,one two

Post: #5 (ID: 903)

Oh dear